Look, if you’re using an interweb machine to read this you probably have a profile somewhere that is an accurate representation of your life. Even though we may treat them as trivial, your social media profile is EVERYTHING. Because it is EVERYTHING, you need to consider hiding the fact that you’re an awkward asshole as much as possible. Still, there are countless individuals out there who are in denial. They don’t even need to say anything; their photos weave a terrible, intricate tale of douchebaggery and shame. The atrocities listed below have haunted profile photos over all modern social interactions.
1. Sideways peace signs (male) or normal peace signs (female) – I’m not sure if this is a reflex or not, but it says a lot about a person if when you see a camera the first thing you do is make scissors with your hand.
2. You holding or standing next to a dead animal – If you hunt to survive, I have respect for you, but if you had to track down and kill your own food how the fuck do you have a cell phone? If you stopped hunting I promise you you’d get way more ass.
3. Your tongue sticking out – This isn’t cute. It’s not cute when kids do it, it’s not cute when you do it. I want to vomit when I see Miley do it. Stop. This. Right. Fucking. Now.
4. Minions – You’re a grown ass adult and you’re using an annoying example of corporate greed as a representation of your true self. You need to reevaluate your plan.
5. You surrounded by members of the opposite sex (that are obviously not family) while trying to attract a mate – This should just be a given.
6. Just your kid – No kids should be posted on any sort of dating service. They didn’t give your permission to use their image as bait to trap potential mates.
7. Gym mirror selfies – This impresses no one. Mostly because you’re not doing anything, you’re just an asshole in the gym taking pictures of yourself.
8. Selfies taken with the camera on your lap – Angles, you guys. Angles.
There are more offenses, almost too many to count. However, if you take our advice and eliminate the above from your photo albums, you should appear to be at least a halfway decent human. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some album editing to do.