Not Behind You / Random Musings

8 Reasons Your Profile Photo is Making Us Hate You

Look, if you’re using an interweb machine to read this you probably have a profile somewhere that is an accurate representation of your life. Even though we may treat them as trivial, your social media profile is EVERYTHING. Because it is EVERYTHING, you need to consider hiding the fact that you’re an awkward asshole as much as possible. Still, there are countless individuals out there who are in denial. They don’t even need to say anything; their photos weave a terrible, intricate tale of douchebaggery and shame. The atrocities listed below have haunted profile photos over all modern social interactions.


1. Sideways peace signs (male) or normal peace signs (female) – I’m not sure if this is a reflex or not, but it says a lot about a person if when you see a camera the first thing you do is make scissors with your hand.

Looks like an act of war to me.

Looks like an act of war to me.

2. You holding or standing next to a dead animal – If you hunt to survive, I have respect for you, but if you had to track down and kill your own food how the fuck do you have a cell phone? If you stopped hunting I promise you you’d get way more ass.

I'm not going to post a photo of a dead animal because I have class. Unless it's a burger or something.

I’m not going to post a photo of a dead animal because I have class. Unless it’s a burger or something.

3. Your tongue sticking out – This isn’t cute. It’s not cute when kids do it, it’s not cute when you do it. I want to vomit when I see Miley do it. Stop. This. Right. Fucking. Now.

Keep it in your face, please.

Keep it in your face, please.

4. Minions – You’re a grown ass adult and you’re using an annoying example of corporate greed as a representation of your true self. You need to reevaluate your plan.

OMFG I actually agree with a fucking Minion.

OMFG I actually agree with a fucking Minion.

5. You surrounded by members of the opposite sex (that are obviously not family) while trying to attract a mate – This should just be a given.

Wow, you have a lot of sisters.

Wow, you have a lot of sisters.

6. Just your kid – No kids should be posted on any sort of dating service. They didn’t give your permission to use their image as bait to trap potential mates.

Look at what you're doing. You're causing his tears of embarrassment.

Look at what you’re doing. You’re causing his tears of embarrassment.

7. Gym mirror selfies – This impresses no one. Mostly because you’re not doing anything, you’re just an asshole in the gym taking pictures of yourself.

Beebs, admit you got paid 8k to walk in there, take the pic, and leave.

Beebs, admit you got paid 8k to walk in there, take the pic, and leave.

8. Selfies taken with the camera on your lap – Angles, you guys. Angles.

I'm so turned on right now you guys, for realsies.

I’m so turned on right now you guys, for realsies.


There are more offenses, almost too many to count. However, if you take our advice and eliminate the above from your photo albums, you should appear to be at least a halfway decent human. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some album editing to do.


Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s